He Cheated and I Lost.
Now What Do I Do with these Bitter Feelings?
In a competitive semi-final match for a BYU intramural t-shirt, and my opponent was playing in a less-than-honest way. He was down 5-7 in our pro-set, and obviously felt like he needed a little "extra help" in order to get back in the match. Point after point, he would make—what I thought were—ridiculous calls. I tried my best to remain civil and question his numerous calls, hoping he would cut it out if I called him on it. Unfortunately, he doubled-down. He called a 3rd and 4th shot out at critical moments. I kept getting more and more frustrated. Ultimately, due to his questionable calls and me allowing those calls to get under my skin, I lost the match 7-8. All I could think after the match was, "how could he do this to me? I clearly deserved to win."
I harbored silent disdain for this individual for a long time. Years later, he and I were playing on neighboring BYU courts and I noted that he was STILL MAKING BAD CALLS in order to win points. I gathered the courage to confront him and let out the rage I had held for so long. I wanted to passive-aggressively repay him for the hurt I felt by saying something like, "I see you're still making questionable calls." But when I asked him if he recognized me, he said "no." So I said, "I think I played you one time." And I walked away.
It hit me that all those hurt feelings I'd been holding on to were only hurting myself. I went home and googled "forgiveness," which led me to a number of helpful realizations:
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Forgiveness was not something I offer him. It is is a gift I give myself.
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What happened to me is an opportunity to grow. "How can I positively change from this?"
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Forgiveness isn't a momentary event—it's a continuous process. When I see him periodically on the courts, I need to continually offer him forgiveness in my heart until my wounds are healed.
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I had to accept that even if I did ask for an apology, I may never get one. And that's okay.
But the 2 most healing lessons I learned were:
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His actions had reflection upon me or what I could control. It had everything to do with his background, for which I had zero empathy. He was a real person, and not an object.
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If I want to be forgiven by God for my many shortcomings, I must also forgive others theirs. See The Parable of the Two Debtors, Matt 18:21-35.